Big goals!  Good for you, Ab!  I'm sorry you're having a tough time, it's hard to do anything when you feel so busy and overwhelmed, but you'll get it together!  I'm super pleased to read your paragraph about how good Deidra looks-- you DO look gorgeous to everybody else, I guarantee it!!  You are a brand new mom and you've always been teeny tiny so it makes sense that it's difficult to you, but you are NORMAL and HEALTHY and a great mom with the battle scars, as you said, to prove it.  So no need to worry, my lovely little sister!

It's about that time of day again where I go completely crazy and want nothing more than to dive head first into Aimie's candy dish and stay there until the end of the day.  I do not know why it's so tough.  I even have snacks at my desk-- I've got a banana and some roasted chickpeas.  Yet chocolate is all that I want.  Sigh.  I better never try crack, I'll never get off the stuff!

I actually had kind of even a bad body day yesterday, which sucked.  I don't know, I was just feeling really chubby all around and then I went running with Seth and felt super crappy while I was out there which in turn made me feel embarrassed and bad for holding him back so then it was even worse... ugh.  I guess some days are going to be like that, I just wish it didn't ever happen when Seth is actually willing to come with me.  Friday and Saturday I had super great runs, so yesterday was totally disappointing.  Maybe it's partly because I haven't eaten real well.  Maybe today will continue to be better-- so far so good.  And I'm planning on going on another run tonight and doing some pilates.  First though I've got to go get a new passport picture.  I kind of snapped at Seth last night because he was bugging me about not getting it done yet and I was pissed off.  It has been a LOT of work to get my name changed on everything, even stupid stuff like my Delta skymiles number required me to send some faxes and make phone calls and stuff and it's just such a pain in the ass.  Also, he bugged me about doing it right after I had gone out and gotten a bikini wax and done the grocery shopping and then I had come home and was cutting up veggies and rhubarb and unloading the dishwasher while he's sitting on the couch-- not ok!!!  I feel like I've been working my butt off lately both in and out of the home and I'm a little tired.  Sunday was a completely wasted day for me this weekend because I had to go shopping with Kayla (what a nightmare!) and this coming Sunday is wasted again because we are going to Minneapolis for Seth's Uncle Dale's 70th birthday party.  Of course I want to go, it's a miracle that he's still doing so well 9 years after his stem cell transplant, quite frankly, but it's just another commitment when I could really use the time around the house.  I still haven't even sent mom's birthday or mother's day gifts!  Terrible!  And I don't even have a baby!!!!  What's my excuse???

Now that I'm done ranting and about to eat this banana I feel a little better... maybe after going to get my passport photo I'll stop at Younkers and/or Penny's and see if I can find a little dress to wear for Emma's baptism.  These photos are going to be forever, after all... oooo, I hope my face clears up a bit.  Even that looks bad!  And my hair has been super bushy and unruly.  What the heck?!

Love you, little sis!!!