Hey Shabs,

I loved your super long post!  It totally made my day, and a rough couple of days it has been!  My goodness!  To start with, I'm SUPER proud of you!  You must feel so good getting down to 138, that's awesome!!  It sounds like you've been eating so well!!  And Emma and Stu seem to be reaping the benefits as well.  That's so cool!  I do feel terrible for Stu though.  Sounds like he's up to his eyeballs in the same type of situation you know all too well... I remember how miserable you were for a while there.  That's just way too many hours for one person.  It'll burn you out!  I hope things calm down quickly here for him.

I haven't made an appointment to get my hair cut yet.  I tried calling just a minute ago, but if I remember correctly I think they are closed on Mondays, so I'll try calling again tomorrow.  I would love to get in before going to New Orleans on Thursday, but I doubt that will be possible.  Oh well, I can wait.  I don't like to wait, but I can do it.

So regarding eating and dieting and everything... I SUPER SUCK!  I'm feeling pretty crappy about all of it right now.  Today, I'm committing to losing 5 lbs, as suggested by the book.  Ok, 5 lbs, not so bad... except 5 lbs will be 170 lbs, which is still way too much and going back to that not liking to wait thing.  But 5 lbs at at a time.  That's my goal.  I couldn't believe it when I stepped on the scale this morning.  I'm just so disappointed in myself.  And my body just feels so horrible all over right now, it's not good.  I think I kind of over did it this weekend.  I'm so sorry I didn't get to call you back, but literally, from the moment I got home until after dark I was out in the yard working on Saturday and then I did it all again on Sunday.  Every single muscle in my body is so sore.  I pulled three bushes out of the ground 100% completely on my own... it was so much work!  I had to use the electric hedge trimmer, hand shears, a spade, a shovel, and even the ax!  It was crazy.  And besides that I weeded and timmed and planted and pulled and watered, etc etc etc.  I can feel for you and Stu in that respect!  The yard looks pretty nice now though... I look like a cutter, I'm so scratched up.  And even with all of that and not eating too poorly and everything, I still gained weight.  I thought for sure I'd have lost at least a pound or two over the weekend.  BUt I really don't feel like I can do it anymore.  I'm dangerously close to just giving up and that makes me sad because I really do want to be thin, but I really am tired of trying all the time.  Know what I mean?

At least I've done well today.  I had oatmeal with applesauce and pecans for breakfast, greek yogurt with honey for a snack, baby carrots, homemade pizza, and a homemade granola bar for lunch, and a zucchini walnut muffin and an apple for a snack this afternoon.  I got up at 6:00 am to go for a run before work this morning, but Seth talked me out of it.  He was right though.  I needed the sleep.  I barely slept all night, my knees were killing me and I just felt crappy and couldn't sleep.  When I got mad at him this morning he promised he'd make me go tonight when I got home.  I did put a pork roast with potatoes and carrots in the crock pot this morning, so I have a healthy, no work dinner waiting for me, which is nice.  Hopefully a run and then that for dinner will encourage me to have a good night the rest of the night.  I'm just so down about all of it now that I feel kind of like, "what's the point when I'm just going to eff up by the end of the week anyway?"  Probably not productive thoughts, but that's what they are at the moment.

I had a physical on Friday morning, too, which really didn't help.  I weighed 179 lbs at the doctor and she was a totaly bitch.  Seriously.  What a bitch.  I even went in there with issues I wanted to discuss, including my knees, which hurt so bad I can't sleep at night, and she literally just touched them and said, with her stupid Russian accent, "You're fine." and that was that.  No further discussion.  I already made another appointment with a new doctor.  I'm not going to internal medicine anymore.  They keep sticking me with residents and I hate them.  So I am seeing a new doctor in Family Practice, hopefully she'll be better. Seth and I are planning to switch to family practice anyway since then we can see the same doctor and have our kids see the same doctor too someday.  Anyway, besides being a fat ass, the doctor called later and left a voicemail that said, and I quote, again with that damn accent, "Your cholesterol is too high and that's abnormal for your age.  You should eat better and exercise more.  Call if you have any questions."  Ummm... thanks.  I'm just frustrated, especially at home because I work my ass off to cook healthy food and keep the house clean and the yard nice and the grocery shopping done and still try to work out every single day and yet, I'm getting less and less healthy.  I wonder if the sleep is becoming a bigger issue.  I've been getting up for advil probably 3 - 4 times per week for my knees, so I think it's pretty bad.

I love you so much, Shabsky!!!!