Hey Rach,

I’ve decided to blog today because, well, I’m not having a great day and I feel I just need to vent a little. I’m feeling very  “ugh” today. I didn’t like a thing I tried on this morning and I settled for something I didn’t feel comfortable in and have been wearing my work jacket all day because it hides my belly. Also I just ate a candy bar my boss got me and all while eating it I was like, “stop, you should not be eating this!” It wasn’t even that good but I didn’t stop!! I also thought, “I wouldn’t let Emma eat this, what makes it ok for ME to eat it!?” Argh. Must be nice to have someone regulate the health of the food you are allowed to eat. I could stop relying on my failing will power.

I want my belly back. I like maybe 3 shirts that I own. I think I might use some Christmas money I got from Dave and Chris plus pull out another $100 or so in cash and go down to birch run. I feel like I need new clothes. I also want to start dressing more professionally at work. I ordered a pair of khakis, I hope they look good.

I think I’m getting a cold. I’ve been so tired and I still have some sores in my mouth. Makes me feel gross. Are you feeling ok? I thought you said you were feeling under the weather too.

I feel like I haven’t been able to gain control. Control of eating, exercising, working (being productive), cleaning, organizing, etc. Things are really good with me and Stu and Emma and I should be so happy, but for some reason I’ve just felt sad lately and stressed out. Right now being at work is so hard. I don’t know where to start to get my motivation back. I feel like such a slacker!!

Oy, would you listen to me? This is ridiculous. I’m contemplating not even sending this although I probably will..

After reading that Michael Moore thing I really wanted to start walking but I haven’t yet. Maybe tonight…

Love you!!!